Are you whining in a polygamous marriage? Could you be regretting it? Given another chance, would you still take the position of the other woman? Could you be feeling remorseful for getting married to another woman's husband?
If your encounter with Christ has brought forth several questions concerning your marriage as the other woman, I have answers for you.
Unfortunately, several factors may have tied you up to the extent you are unable to walk away from the marriage.
No one can be a slave of two masters; he will hate one and love the other; he will be loyal to one and despise the other (Matthew 6: 24).
Ideally, if a priest would decide to hit the nail on the head, he would look straight in your eye and tell you to quit. But, they don't do that!
You acknowledge you made a mistake.
You’re seeking God’s forgiveness while still living in the entanglement.
Your gut feeling tells you your strategy isn’t working.
So, what next?
For those diehard supporters of polygamy, sorry this post might not be the right one for you.
The bottom line is this: you do not live in sin forever. People change. The transformation comes with a desire to do the right thing. For some sins, it’s just a matter of pulling away. However, marriage is a bit tricky especially if you have lived in it for several years.
We cannot hide the fact that some Catholics are holding the position of the other woman!
Let’s try to tackle this by asking a few questions.
How did you find yourself in that marriage?
Did you like it when you got married?
Do you still like it?
Sadly, nobody cares much about 'the other woman,' who has realized her mistake and would like to make a difference.
That's what I'm here to do.
I don’t support polygamy, but I’ll give you a few suggestions on how to live henceforth.
First of all, let’s hear what God has to say!
What is God’s opinion of The Other Woman?
Becoming the other woman was a go-to place in many communities for the longest time. The subject has always been a big debate in many forums online. In all cases, the way the opinions are expressed has been wanting. Every debate has proposers and opposers! Most proponents are either traditionalists, or they peg their arguments on marriages in the Old Testament.
We all know that Abraham was God’s right-hand man; obedient to the core, yet he married Hagar since Sarah was unable to get children.
Do you know that marrying Hagar was the only thing Abraham ever did without seeking God’s consent?
Now you know!
Sarah coerced him to marry her, and he did not object!
At this point, you would think that God was happy with this relationship because there is no major reaction to portray God’s condemnation of the act.
But let me tell you, God wasn’t at all pleased!
And here is how!
God agrees with Sarah in Sending Hagar away!
God finally blessed Abraham and Sarah with their son Isaac. Meanwhile, Hagar already had her son, Ishmael, with Abraham. Sarah felt she now had her child and disowned Hagar, asking Abraham to send her and her son away.
Genesis 21:10 – Send this slave and her son away, says Sarah. The son of this woman must not get any part of your wealth, which my son Isaac should inherit.
Women will always be women.
Abraham was bewildered; he went back to God for advice.
Here’s what God told Abraham!
Genesis 21:12 – Don’t be worried about the boy and your slave Hagar. Do whatever Sarah tells you because it is through Isaac that you will have the descendants I have promised.
The scripture has spoken!
God did not recognize that relationship!
Do you notice God referred to Hagar as 'slave' and not 'wife' in the given scripture?
Where was Hagar expected to go?
Only God knows!
Perhaps sending the other woman away may not look so painful, but what about sending your child away? It was painful, but Abraham had to do it since he had to obey God.
Hagar wandered in the wilderness with her son Ishmael. She resorted to crying when she had no water to give her son as she thought he would die! The boy’s cry attracted God’s attention.
An angel spoke to Hagar from heaven and promised her that God would make a great nation out of her son’s descendants.
God then opened Hagar’s eyes, she saw a well, fetched water, and gave him some to drink.
Hagar’s son lived in the wilderness and became a skillful hunter.
Let’s get back to how you can help yourself from 'the other woman' position.
What to do When You Can’t Quit Polygamy
Imagine how much you have invested in that marriage? Then you get to realize your choice to be the other woman is weighing you down spiritually. You begin to dangle and never get any straight answers from anyone. You're in a fix.
How do you handle it?
The best option is to quit. Start all over again, no matter how difficult it is. God provided for Hagar. Why not you? But this is easier said than done.
In reality, many women do not go. They resort to closing their ears and suffer the guilt silently. Other women choose to leave the church when the heat is too much or they cannot bear the shame. The smiles on their faces hide the frustration they go through.
So, what should you do?
Anyone who has found herself in a confused state as she mends her life with Christ will understand you. I am one of them, though my case is different.
You have made a U-turn and are looking up to Jesus. Do not allow the situation on the ground to paralyze your efforts. Crying has never solved a problem either. Be bold and face it.
Start a new life advocating for the right marriage. Your first audience should be your children. Remember you are the best example. No matter how much you try to hide your story, they know you are the other woman. If you don’t speak about its downsides, they’ll follow in your footsteps.
Experience is the best teacher.
The Best Activists for any Rights are Victims
You are suffering the consequences of your mistake in your marriage. Let not those repercussions spill over to your children. If your daughter understands why she should not become the other woman and finds her husband, you have won.
Is that not growth?
Have you not impacted some positivity to society?
If you are bold enough to go beyond your family, capture a wide range with your advocacy against polygamy. Only God knows how He works. I’m sure He will reward you for your effort to streamline a good number of people’s lives.
If 10% of women got married as the other woman during your time and you manage to reduce it to 5%, you are working for the Lord. He is not a misuser. God pays.
A bit of encouragement!
No saint made it to heaven for doing everything right. Most saints made it by acknowledging their mistakes and making amendments with reverence for the Lord.
In writing, we choose a niche and concentrate on it. You can’t take up every course in college. Likewise, consider speaking out against becoming 'the other woman' as your task.
“She made a mistake, learned a lesson, and used her turnaround experience to glorify my name.” You can imagine God nodding His head as He peruses your performance file.
Your friend quickly damped 'the other woman' position for a single man when she realized it was wrong. She never warned anyone against polygamy.
On the other hand, circumstances tied you to 'the other woman' position for life. You reached out to thousands to warn them against finding themselves in a similar situation.
Between the two of you, who deserves God's mercy?
Look at this concept!
Matthew 21: 28-32; "Now what do you think? There was once a man who had two sons. He went to the elder one and said, 'Son, go and work in the vineyard today.' 'I don't want to,' he answered, but later he changed his mind and went. Then the father went to the other son and said the same thing. 'Yes, sir,' he answered, but he did not go. Which one of the two did what his father wanted?" "The elder one, they answered."
They got it absolutely right!
The elder son looked rude at first, but collected himself and did the job!
Scroll back up and compare yourself to your friend.
Between the two of you, who deserves God's mercy?
The Magnets in the Other Woman Syndrome
You're probably wondering how beautiful ladies find themselves holding the position of the other woman.
Here are some insights.
Focusing on the man rather than focusing on God’s intention for marriage.
In most cases, we tend not to have a broad understanding of how we should lead our lives as Christians.
Take note that when Abraham leaned on his understanding, he made a mistake.
The back does not stop at the Old Testament!
We don’t live in the Old Testament era!
What would the New Testament be like without the Old Testament?
The stories in the Old Testament and how God reacted to them help us digest the teachings in the New Testament.
Thinking of Getting Married as 'the other woman?'
God disapproves of it right from before the coming of Jesus. You have seen it in the story of Abraham and Hagar.
However, God acknowledges that we make mistakes and helps us fix them when we go back to Him.
That’s why He saved Hagar!
God’s compassion for humanity is so deep. It’s our sins that He dislikes.
Try to imagine this!
While Sarah and Abraham’s lives were unshaken, Hagar’s got destabilized before God finally came to her rescue!
If you can spare some time, read Genesis 21:1-21 to understand the whole Hagar saga.
The mention of Hagar only resurfaced when God promised her descendants through her son Ishmael. Otherwise, she vanished from the Lord’s lips.
That’s food for thought!
How Does Abraham’s Story Apply in our Lives Today?
It’s like warning you against taking a particular route because I got mugged while on that road!
Or against buying a particular car because it’s a fuel guzzler!
I can also warn you against going to a particular school since the quality of their teaching is wanting!
Or against buying products of some company as they’re substandard!
What happens when you disregard the warning?
Think about that!
The Bible and everything about it is a school.
The way we lead our lives is an examination.
God is the examiner.
Becoming the other woman is like sitting on a time bomb. It may take years before it explodes but you have to finally struggle with the consequences.
Do not become the other woman expecting to manipulate God by advocating against polygamy later on. You may have to face dire consequences. This post serves those who got into polygamy innocently, through forced marriages, or without a clear view of the Lord’s requirements. How God deals with you, in the end, is justified by the means through which you got into that marriage.
If you don't mind, kindly give your view or share your experience as the other woman in the comments.